Celebrating Your Life

My grandfather and I at my college graduation party on May 7, 2016

What a week my family and I have been through...

I was woken by my sister in law early Sunday morning notifying me that my grandfather had a massive stroke around midnight and he was rushed to the emergency room. Due to COVID-19 none of us were allowed to go see him.  He had blood clots and blockages in his heart that went up to his brain.  On Monday morning we had a lot of hope that he could make it through. They said everything was not looking like "the end of life" just yet and there was a chance. Then by Monday afternoon we got told that he was brain dead and there was nothing more we could do to save him. He was moved over to hospice on Tuesday  where they tried to keep him as comfortable as possible. Then this morning at 8:20am, his body finally let go and caught up to his brain and he passed. Hospice said he went very peacefully.

I am so exhausted from bawling. My emotions are on a roller coaster. I am trying to deal with this and grieve as best I can but it is so hard when you are under quarantine and cannot be there with your family. 

I want to dedicate my blog post this week to my grandfather. I want to write a letter to him here that I would possibility read to him at his memorial service - whenever that will be sadly! This may be kind of all over the place but bare with me.

To my 'Ubbie':

I am devastated. I have no words to describe what I am feeling right now besides the fact that I am heartbroken.  

Growing up, you were always my father figure. You lived with us and you took care of me just like I was your own daughter even when you did not have to. I remember when you dropped me off at my first day of preschool, I was bawling because I did not want you to leave me to go to work. The same thing happened with my first day of Kindergarten, I was always crying because I never wanted you to leave me. You took me to every father - daughter dace, my girl scout meetings, you took me to my doctor appointments, you would always bring me home my favorite foods from McDonald's, and I remember us always going to Memaw's  and Papal's and Granny's house every holiday. I remember how you would hand me your credit card to make sure I had new clothes for school every August. 

As I got older, I would spend as much time as I could with you. Until now, I always worked holidays and weekends with the field of work I entered into so I know that it was difficult at times but I always did the best I could,  I remember seeing you starting to get older. Your hair became whiter than usual, and you began to become more forgetful due to the dementia taking over and you also survived several strokes, but you never gave up.  You always fought through and overcame everything your health threw at you because you wanted to be here for us. 

You always told me how proud you were of me for graduating college and having a great job and for supporting myself without anyone's help. I knew how much you loved me... you always showed it. 

I will never forget our memories together. I will never forget all of the lessons you taught me and all of the love you gave to me even when you did not have to,. I am selfish and I wish you were not gone, but I know you are in a way better place than we all are right now and I know that you are not suffering anymore. 

I love you so much. You will always live on in my heart. Please watch over us and guide us to where we need to go.